I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
