This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
