I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
