if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
