Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
