Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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