Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
that is very illegal...i love you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
