We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I still have a little drunk in my system
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
