this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
