I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
