dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
