I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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