fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
