i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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