Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
