my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
