Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
