I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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