he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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