it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
