the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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