Do you still have your period?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize