Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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