are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
