You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
