So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
