I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
