The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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