I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
