I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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