im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
