no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
