i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
