In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
