I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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