Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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