I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
