I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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