I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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