Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Even my vagina gasped.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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