i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
