My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
