some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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