Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
