The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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