Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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