He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
