Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
