where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
