you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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