Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
