one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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