watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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