is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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