i was born a porn star she said
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
