Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
