Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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