I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
