I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
