i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
