Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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