At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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