That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
