I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize