i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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