Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
