I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
