I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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