he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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