Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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