they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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