Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She is in my trunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
