where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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