Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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