no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
