Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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